Here is a draft of my Script for Fantastic Voyage looking at making the narrator be a friendly character in my animation so as to engage the audience with the learning.
Okay - so I've had a proper look at your script - and there's a few things I think you need to think about:
1) I'm wondering if you need everything you have here - so the houses, to the camp-fire etc. I felt that you were introducing us to lots of things, but it wasn't always completely clear why. I'm wondering if you might consider slimming down the ambition of your script and focusing one smaller part? It seems to me that all the content bit comes in the later stage of the script? I think you've got a lot of stuff at the front that you may not need.
2) The narrator - your script suggests you're going to have a character walking your audience through everything; that's a lot of lip-syncing and animation (though I don't have a clear sense of how you intend to approach the narrator as a character?). I did like the chatty style, but again, there's a lot of talking in your script - and I think you need to get the balance right between 'talking' and 'showing' - after all, a teacher can say all these things, but I guess the client is looking to you to show the information in way that is fresh and informative.
So - I like the chatty narrator approach - but, my instincts are you could cut this script right down and cut to the chase and get to the information more quickly - I do think however, that linking the idea of the audience's houses/own home to the mechanics of energy production is a good idea, because it stops everything feeling abstract. Just in terms of 'the narrator' - there is a model of this project where we never see the narrator - it's just a voice - and it's the camera that reacts to the narration, so when it says 'Look at that nuclear reactor over here' - we see the camera 'look' in the right direction: getting rid of an animated narrator might help you keep the focus on the content?
Hey Katerin - can you email me a word doc version - ta!
ReplyDeleteOkay - so I've had a proper look at your script - and there's a few things I think you need to think about:
ReplyDelete1) I'm wondering if you need everything you have here - so the houses, to the camp-fire etc. I felt that you were introducing us to lots of things, but it wasn't always completely clear why. I'm wondering if you might consider slimming down the ambition of your script and focusing one smaller part? It seems to me that all the content bit comes in the later stage of the script? I think you've got a lot of stuff at the front that you may not need.
2) The narrator - your script suggests you're going to have a character walking your audience through everything; that's a lot of lip-syncing and animation (though I don't have a clear sense of how you intend to approach the narrator as a character?). I did like the chatty style, but again, there's a lot of talking in your script - and I think you need to get the balance right between 'talking' and 'showing' - after all, a teacher can say all these things, but I guess the client is looking to you to show the information in way that is fresh and informative.
So - I like the chatty narrator approach - but, my instincts are you could cut this script right down and cut to the chase and get to the information more quickly - I do think however, that linking the idea of the audience's houses/own home to the mechanics of energy production is a good idea, because it stops everything feeling abstract. Just in terms of 'the narrator' - there is a model of this project where we never see the narrator - it's just a voice - and it's the camera that reacts to the narration, so when it says 'Look at that nuclear reactor over here' - we see the camera 'look' in the right direction: getting rid of an animated narrator might help you keep the focus on the content?