A couple of things, Katerin - you REALLY need to proof read this before you publish: security gourd? A gourd is a dried pumpkin! You mean 'guard'... There's a whole bunch of typos in here that you need to fix... also, I think you need to re-strcuture you're ending... right now, you are giving the punchline away too soon, by having your character explain the whole pirate thing; you need to hold that info back for the final shot - the other guys dressed as pirates and the 'stag do' explanation coming then - so have one of the guys holding a sign saying 'Alex's Stag Do' - people will understand why they're all dressed as pirates, so you don't need to explain it so obviously: instead, have the security guard pull out a prop that is itself not completely explanatory - so a stuffed parrot, or wooden leg - something that belongs to a pirate costume, but isn't quite the full picture. I think you've written the dialogue well (typos excepted) so you just need to crisp up the joke here.
Here my mind map ideas for the prompt words we received on Tuesday. The mind map contains prompt words that have something to do with the words or things that relate to that word. Some of them are more driven from the ideas I have had for a stories.
Here is a draft of my Script for Fantastic Voyage looking at making the narrator be a friendly character in my animation so as to engage the audience with the learning.
A couple of things, Katerin - you REALLY need to proof read this before you publish: security gourd? A gourd is a dried pumpkin! You mean 'guard'... There's a whole bunch of typos in here that you need to fix... also, I think you need to re-strcuture you're ending... right now, you are giving the punchline away too soon, by having your character explain the whole pirate thing; you need to hold that info back for the final shot - the other guys dressed as pirates and the 'stag do' explanation coming then - so have one of the guys holding a sign saying 'Alex's Stag Do' - people will understand why they're all dressed as pirates, so you don't need to explain it so obviously: instead, have the security guard pull out a prop that is itself not completely explanatory - so a stuffed parrot, or wooden leg - something that belongs to a pirate costume, but isn't quite the full picture. I think you've written the dialogue well (typos excepted) so you just need to crisp up the joke here.
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